


Changes

by Desirae



Series: Loved you forever [21]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: All The Love, Castiel Whump (Supernatural), Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, Grieving, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Minor Character Death, Porn with Feelings, Supportive Dean Winchester, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-22 06:48:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20869949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desirae/pseuds/Desirae
Summary: Big changes ahead for the Novak-Winchesters as they deal with death in the family, and new faces.





	Changes

**Author's Note:**

> Just a huge thank you to all of you who have followed this series since it started, and all the new readers who have joined along the way. You all mean so much to me, honestly.

Change was hard. It was scary, intimidating, and a host of other feelings that set butterflies in your stomach and a tightening in your chest. Change was also exciting, new, and quite frankly, inevitable.

There had been quite a few changes in the Novak-Winchester household over the last vestiges of summer.

Dean and Castiel had enjoyed their vacation in Maine, coming back refreshed and fucked out, to a spotless apartment because apparently, Charlie in break-up mode was like Dean in stress-mode and the result was a tiled kitchen floor so clean you could eat off of it. They spent their last night of freedom before having to return to work camped out on the living room floor with take-out and old school Mario. A heated discussion over how close to the tv was too close to the tv while playing duck hunt led to flicking which let to pinching which led to biting which led to mutual handjobs on the floor underneath Cas' bumblebee blanket.

It was the last bearable weekend of the summer.

Charlie, they had found out, had moved in temporarily with Gabriel, which caused Cas to be bitched at, during all free moments of the day. Cas had begun teaching his summer classes and had university functions two Saturdays in a row. His TA Hannah was laid up with a broken ankle thanks to some morons on the T who stumbled into her as she was stepping off of the train, causing her to land hard on the platform. Dean couldn't even begin to count the number of times Dean had heard Cas complain over the next few weeks how incompetent her temporary replacement was. He was edgy, short-tempered, and usually didn't come to bed until long after Dean had fallen asleep.

Meanwhile, Dean had taken on a new part-time hire at the shop, a college kid named Adam Milligan; a kid who it turned out, was the bastard child of one John _fucking_ Winchester. Of course, his new half-brother waited a week into the job before working up the courage to say anything. Since then, Dean has mostly been avoiding him. He didn't know what to say to the kid, could barely remember most of the conversation they had, just this wild buzzing in his head and a vague recollection giving Adam Sam's number and sending him off to do an oil change.

He hadn't even told Cas about it, which had led to a spectacular fight on what things were considered important enough to tell your husband. 

_"Newsflash, Dean! A new sibling shows up on your doorstep, you fucking take the time to tell me. I shouldn't have to hear about it over fucking tea with Benny!" _

_"Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't think you'd hear me over your sobbing about Hannah, because God for fucking bid the new guy used the wrong font on The Raven printouts." Dean fired back defensively._

_"Shock and amazement, Dean Winchester uses lame excuse to deflect from talking about his feelings!" Castiel volleyed back caustically._

_"Oh fuck off, Professor. I needed some time to process."_

That was as far as it went that night and not because they had kissed and made up, but because they were interrupted by a call from Cas' dad. Castiel's grandmother Lily had passed away. She had gone down to have an afternoon nap and suffered a fatal stroke. The news was heartbreaking. Dean had a soft spot for the kind-hearted woman. She and her husband Akobel had just raffled off a car that Dean helped restore for Project Bread, a childhood hunger charity of which Castiel's grandparents were staunch supporters. Philanthropy aside, Lily would be sorely missed by many, by Dean, and especially Cas, who never took for granted what having a grandparent so supportive of his lifestyle meant.

Dean remembered going through that next week in a daze. He spent a lot of time just being directed, doing whatever it was that Akobel, Becky, Chuck, and Cas needed him to do. Dean helped make phone calls, and he arranged hotel rooms for out of town guests coming in for the funeral. He picked up suits from the dry cleaners and made catering arrangements when Becky couldn't seem to decide between finger foods or pot luck.

Mostly, though, he took care of Cas. Fight not forgotten, more like put on hold; Dean made sure his husband ate, slept. He convinced Cas to let his TA handle a little more of the responsibility just until they got through the funeral because Hannah would be back by then. They didn't talk much, but Cas allowed himself to be held at night, Dean curled around him, a warm, steady weight. 

Three days after the burial, Akobel slipped away in the night, and they began the grieving process all over again.

Now it was after the funeral, and they were gathered at Lily and Akobel's home for the will reading. 

Charlie stood with Dean in the kitchen, as she wordlessly helped him refill the sugar and cream and arranging platters of cookies and pastries from Gabe's bakery. Cas and Gabriel bookended Becky on the couch in the living room, Chuck sitting on the arm, a quiet, supportive presence. Ishim and Hester stood against the living room wall, both with their arms folded across their chest, looking impatient and annoyed. Dean wished he could kick them out, knowing they were only here hoping for a handout. Luke and Jack sat shoulder to shoulder on the ledge of the fireplace, and that at least brought a soft smile to his face, as the father and son had been working on their relationship.

Dean silently brought his husband a large mug of coffee as the lawyer droned on, squeezing Cas' shoulder as he sat on the other arm of the couch, allowing his man to lean against him. Despite the awkwardness between them, Dean was relieved that Cas was willing to take comfort from him. It was one thing to lose a grandparent, but to lose both within days? Dying of languishment Castiel had once called it, about some story they were reading in class. A fancy term meaning death by a broken heart. Dean couldn't even mock it, and he did not doubt that it would be like that with him and Castiel; despite any fights between them, Dean knew in his heart that neither of them could live without the other.

The will reading was fairly standard. Gabriel was left all of his grandmother's recipes, and some classic albums (who knew Gabriel was a closet Bing Crosby fan?), Luke was left some of his father's jewelry, and Jack, who had just begun school in Boston, had a college fund set up in his name that would help cover what Luke and his ex Kelly couldn't afford. Becky and Hester and Charlie were both left family heirlooms; necklaces and earrings, and a beautiful tea set that Charlie shed tears over. Most of the art went to Hester, while Lily and Akobel's book collection went to Becky. 

The shit didn't hit the fan until it came to who was getting the house.

"And finally, Lily and Akobel bequeath the house in Quincy," the lawyer said, gesturing to the space they were all currently in, "to Castiel and Dean Novak-Winchester." It wasn't anything they weren't expecting, Lily had confided these plans to Becky long ago, which in turn had made Dean and Castiel aware. Ishim and Hester, however, hadn't had a clue.

"Are you serious right now?" Ishim snarled, but Mr. Gardner kept on as if he hadn't interrupted. 

"In the event Misters Novak-Winchester does not wish to reside in the residence, the request is to sell the home and use the money towards a home of their own, with the rest split between their favorite charities; Random Acts and Children's Hospital."

* * *

It had been a month, and Castiel and Dean still hadn't made a decision. Not that he and Dean had really talked about it much. There was still a lot to do either way, like cleaning out the house, deciding what was going to family and what would be donated to goodwill.

Castiel, when he wasn't dealing with his mother and aunt fighting over photo albums and CorningWare-_ You don't even cook, Hester, come on_! Dean’s husband was burying himself with work and covering extra classes; and despite how he was his usual octopus self when they slept, they hadn't been intimate since the funerals. Nearly five weeks now.

And not to be crass, but Dean missed sex. He missed everything about it, the scent, touch, taste. The tactile person he was craved; Cas' earthy, apple smell, the feel of his hard body and rough stubble against his skin, the salty taste of his sweat-dampened body. _Fuck,_ he wanted. But he didn't push. Emotional shit like this did things to you. A cloud of sorrow had his sweetheart enveloped in its haze, and Dean could only be supportive and wait it out.

That didn't stop the hard-on he woke up with every morning, spooned next to his husband, or the soundless orgasm he chased in the shower every morning. But it wasn't until Cas had come home early from work after a canceled staff meeting that they had a stupid fight about it. 

Dean had taken the Friday afternoon off, wanting to make a nice dinner for Cas, hopefully, give him a relaxing start to his weekend. A peace offering for the Adam debacle that Dean was still struggling to talk about. Dean had prepared a chicken pot pie that was ready to go in the oven even before Cas got home. He'd stopped at a Red Box and picked up a few movies his husband had shown interest in, and a book of mad libs, hoping to distract him with Chris Pratt and playful word games. Anything to lift the heaviness just a little bit.

Dean thought he was doing them both a favor by taking the opportunity to rub one out in the quiet of their empty apartment, splayed out on the bed as his eyes were glued to the flatscreen, showcasing Dean's favorite porn. His desire for Castiel never waned; at most it could be banked to a low simmer if he just took the edge off. That way, Dean wouldn't be fighting the urge to insensitively beg his husband to fuck him, like he’d had to stop himself from doing the past few weeks.

What Dean hadn't expected, as he jerked off rapidly, was for Cas to burst through the bedroom door, eyes wild as his gaze fell on Dean's now come covered fist. Cas' gaze had gone from tempestuous to flat in what seemed like seconds, stalking out of the room and heading to the kitchen, if the slamming cabinet doors were anything to go by. 

Dean sighed and stopped the DVD and went into the bathroom to wash his hands. All of the pent-up relief he felt upon his release, was now gone, replaced with tense anxiety at what was waiting for him in the kitchen.

He didn't have to wait long. 

Dressed again in pajama pants and a tee-shirt, Dean walked into the kitchen and was brought up short by Castiel's arched brow and pissed off expression.

"Is this what you do on every day off? Sit at home and jerk-off?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yes, Cas. Every single time. I just can't wait to be alone, so I can play with myself all day. C'mon, don't make this something it's not."

"Well, I'm sorry my lack of sex drive has been putting you out," Castiel said sarcastically, "I'm sorry my grief has been such an inconvenience to you."

Dean merely sighed as he went to the refrigerator to pull out the pot pie. He refused to be sucked into a fight. He walked around Cas to get to the oven and preheat it. He grabbed Cas' favorite bumblebee mug and a spiced chai tea bag from the canister on the counter before setting the teapot to boil. Dean turned and faced Castiel, who mirrored his pose; back against the counter, arms folded.

"You're not going to make me feel guilty, Cas. Your grief has not been an 'inconvenience,' " Dean said, stealing Cas' usual move of using finger quotes. "It's been heartwrenching to watch, and I hate seeing you in all this pain, but never, ever is it an inconvenience," Dean breathed a little easier when he saw the set of Castiel's shoulders ease. "But am I gonna lie and say I don't miss you? Miss touching you? Making love with you? I can't. You're hot, and I am perpetually horny," Dean said with a casual shrug of his shoulders, and the absurdity of the statement seemed to startle a laugh out of Castiel, and that alone was worth this awkward conversation. "Did you think I had someone in there with me?" Dean asked cautiously, and he sucked in a breath when Castiel's eyes shot to his, a flash of guilt in his baby blues.

Castiel sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm acting like this. I know you wouldn't, you'd never," when Cas' head dropped down, Dean took it as his cue to reach out, striding across the room to grip his husband's impressive forearms.

"You don't have to be sorry, just don't be mad. I didn't want to be all over you tonight when I know you aren't feeling it. Thought I'd take the edge off, so I could be chivalrous and shit," Dean said with a sheepish grin. 

Castiel's mouth kicked up at that, a little barely-there smile light melted Dean's heart every time he saw it.

"Thank you, Dean. It was very kind of you to jack off in the name of chivalry," it came out deadpan, but there was quiet mirth in Cas' cobalt eyes.

"Hey, it was some high-class porn. That vid we made with you riding me reverse cowgirl style in front of the mirror?" Dean waggled his eyebrows. "You look so hot with your head tipped back, when you come. It’s what pushed me over the edge. Your Adam's apple bobs and I just wanna-" beep. Dean is interrupted by the oven sounding, and he was gratified to see Castiel visibly swallow, clearly affected by Dean's words.

"You, ahem, you were watching us?" Castiel asked, affecting a casual expression as Dean smirked and handed him his tea. 

"Cas, I got rid of the other ones after we started making our own," Dean said with a laugh. "You're the sexiest guy in the world, and you're mine, don't look so surprised," Dean followed the statement up with a gentle kiss that made Cas' eyes go soft. "Go pick out a movie."

Castiel looked like he wanted to say more; instead, he nodded, taking his tea and veering off to the bedroom to change into comfortable clothes before heading into the living room to do as Dean said.

* * *

"You know it's not because I don't want to," Castiel said randomly, tea long finished and replaced with a cold Yuengling. They were sank into the couch cushions, having just finished the latest episode of Doctor Sexy while they'd waited for dinner to finish baking. They sat with plates of Chicken Pot Pie in their laps, and Dean was happy to see Castiel's appetite improving, judging by the way he was digging in. The latest _ Jurassic Park _was cued up in the DVD player, but Dean turned, leg pulled up and resting against Cas' thigh to better listen to his husband.

"I just feel so drained,” Castiel continued. “ Between my mother and my aunt, and cleaning out the house and just being _so fucking sad _-" Dean cupped the back of Cas' neck and leaned in to press a kiss to his temple.

"I know. I understand. There's no time limit on grief, sweetheart,” Dean said as Castiel’s weight sagged against him.

"Do you think we should keep the house?" Castiel asked, and Dean shrugged his shoulders.

"Honestly, sweetheart, I don’t think so," Dean said, and Cas cocked his head.

"Really? "

"Yeah. I mean, do I think we are ready for a house? I do. I've been wanting to talk about it, actually. And it was so generous of them to leave it to us. But you know how important the charities were to them. If we sold it, we could give them so much more. We have enough money for a down payment on our own home, anyway. We don’t need Lily and Akobel’s money."

Castiel placed his now empty plate on the coffee table then settled back, pulling Dean's hand into his own, thumb rubbing Dean's wedding ring affectionately.

"That is very true. And I know you've always wanted to try and find a place in Jo and Sam's neighborhood when we were ready," Castiel said, and Dean couldn't deny that it was his wish.

"It's just, the fun part, as a married couple buying a new home, is getting to pick it out ourselves. Making it our own, christening all the rooms..." Dean knew that what he was about to say could either make his husband laugh, which he hasn't done enough of in far too long; or Dean could find himself sleeping on the couch alone for being an insensitive asshole. "I just don't know whether I could ever feel comfortable rimming you in the same room where your grandmother made me cherry pie."

When Castiel threw his head back in laughter, eyes crinkling at the corners, lips wide and showing his teeth, Dean’s relief was palpable. Castiel laughed until he cried, tears of mirth eventually giving way to cathartic sobbing. Dean pulled Cas into his arms, his husband crawling into his lap, thick thighs bracketing his own as he cried into Dean's neck.

Dean ran soothing hands up and down Cas' back as hot tears fell against his skin. "There you go, sweetheart. That's it," Dean continued to stroke up and down Cas' spine, whispering words of love and comfort until the sobs settled down to the occasional shudder, Castiel's stubble rasping against Dean's now damp neck.

"I miss them," Castiel said quietly, voice hoarse from his tears.

"I know you do. Your grandparents loved you so much, Cas, and they were so proud of you," Dean said softly as Castiel pulled back enough to meet Dean's gaze. His thumbs came up to brush at the wetness on Castiel's cheeks, rubbing at the dark circles under his eyes.

"They loved you too, Dean. I'm sorry I've been pushing you away, it wasn't intentional, baby, I swear," Castiel implored, and Dean just shook his head.

"I know. It's okay, and I'm not going anywhere. Push all you want. You're stuck with me."Castiel pressed his forehead to Dean's and let out a shaky sigh. "Promise?"

"Always," Dean reassured him, brushing a kiss across his brow before urging him up so he could bring their empty plates to the kitchen, leaving them in the sink to deal with later, for once.

They cuddled under the blanket as the movie played, Dean's nose buried in Cas' silky tresses and just breathed him in. When the credits rolled, Castiel sat up and carded a hand through Dean's hair. His eyes closed at the gentle touch.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me about Adam?" the question was unexpected but long in coming and Dean sighed, opening his eyes and locking his gaze on steady blue.

"Honestly? Because I didn't know what to do with it." Castiel tilted his head and arched a brow in question at that and Dean chuckled at his husband's trademark move. "All those times he took off after mom died, supposedly grieving. And he was what? Off fucking some nurse and knocking her up?"

"Just because he sought out comfort like that doesn't mean he wasn't grieving, Dean," Castiel said, whiskey-soaked voice gentle and Dean could only grunt in response.

"Yeah, well. Doesn't matter anyway, does it? He was there for Adam as much as he was for me and Sammy, which is not at all," Dean scrubbed his hands over his face. "I don't even know how to talk to the kid," not that he was a kid. Adam was only a few years younger than Sam. "He's probably expecting some meaningful stories about Dad and what the hell can I tell him? That he was a mean drunk, who let his pain win out over taking care of his family? That the only time he'll get to actually speak to him is on visitation day at the prison? Nah, Sam's better at the talking stuff. I’ll leave it to him.”

"When you're ready," Castiel said, hand reaching out to cup the back of Dean's neck, thumb rubbing gentle circles at his nape, "we should have him over. He's still your family."

Dean could only nod. When he was ready; whenever that would be. "So, the house," Dean said, happy when Castiel let him change the subject. 

"Yes," Castiel said with a nod. "We'll need to call a realtor and put it on the market. And start looking for a home of our own."

"It'll be weird, leaving here after so long," Dean murmured thoughtfully. "A lot of good memories," he said, feeling both sad and excited at the thought.

Castiel eased himself back into Dean's lap, angling for a kiss. "We'll make new memories," he said, a hairsbreadth from Dean's lips, before claiming his mouth with his own. Dean couldn't help the soft moan he released at the taste of Cas on his tongue as his husband rocked in his lap. Dean tried not let himself get too excited, but _ God_, if he hadn't missed this.

"Take me to bed, Dean," Castiel whispered hotly, and he didn't need to be asked twice. 

* * *

TV forgotten, Dean surged up, with Castiel's strong legs still wrapped around his waist. They laughed as Dean trip-stumbled down the hall to their bedroom, where he playfully dropped Castiel on the bed. Carrying someone who nearly matched him for weight was not an easy feat, but Castiel was giddy that Dean's desire for him had won out over trembling muscles.

Castiel stared at Dean, greedily, as he began to rid himself of his clothes. Castiel followed suit, loving the wanton way Dean was raking his eyes over his body. When Dean crawled on the bed, Castiel surprised him pushing him onto his back, laughing when Dean sheepishly pushed the bottle of lube still resting on the comforter out of the way.

Castiel worshipped Dean's skin like a man dying of thirst, pressing hot, wet kisses down his throat, leaving love bites in his wake, drawing out choked off moans and muted whimpers. Castiel's favorite sounds.

Castiel didn't need words to know that he would be topping; he'd been physically absent during his grief, and Dean was very much a tactile person, Cas would even argue he was a bit touch starved, and he knew without words that what Dean needed was to be filled and claimed and loved. Castiel urged Dean to turn over, and his husband spun in Castiel's hold, eagerly, getting on his hands and knees and presenting his gorgeous ass.

Castiel sucked hot kisses across Dean's freckled shoulders, dragging his mouth down his spine. He kissed the dip in the small of his back before spreading Dean's firm cheeks with his wide-palmed hands. Castiel groaned out loud at the sight of Dean's pink, furled muscle, unable to stop himself from laving his tongue over the tight hole. Dean jerked at the feeling of Cas' tongue at his entrance, head falling to his forearms as he pressed back against Castiel's mouth with a moan.

"_ Fuck_. Missed you, Cas," Dean said into the sheets, and Castiel's heart clenched at the broken mess that was Dean's voice.

"I know, baby. I got you," Castiel said soothingly, coating his fingers with lube before he began to work Dean open. His husband let out a groan that bespoke of a mix of mild pain and wicked relief.

"Please. _ Please _, Cas, need you," Dean whined unabashedly, and Castiel gently rested his cock between Dean's cheeks, dragging the head over his pucker, now slick and stretched. Castiel draped himself over Dean's back, nuzzling his cheek and relishing in his leather and woodsmoke scent. Castiel rubbed his cock against Dean's puffy hole over and over until he hooked the rim, pressing in softly.

Twin groans of bliss erupted as Castiel bottomed out, panting against Dean's nape as his tight channel clenched Cas' cock deliciously. Castiel wanted to go slow, but weeks of being without this? The heat of his husband's body, the connection they felt when they were together like this; how had he lived without it? 

"More, Cas," Dean pleaded as Cas set up a steady pace, and he pushed back on Castiel's cock and making him bite his lip hard enough to draw blood. "Harder, sweetheart, I can take it."

And he took it beautifully. Castiel's mouth hung opened as he panted, watching as his cock slammed in and out of Dean's tight hole, the sight wickedly obscene and erotic and entirely too hot for Castiel to hold back. His arm reached around to wrap around Dean's chest, drawing him back against his own as they moved together. Cas' other hand gripped Dean's hip as he continued to pound into his husband's welcoming body, with a harsh litany of "_ ah, ah, ah_," escaping his lips. 

Dean's head dropped back on Castiel's shoulder, a guttural wail sounding from his lips as Castiel shifted just a bit, the angle making him rub against Dean's prostate on every thrust. Castiel sucked and bit at Dean's neck as he continued to rock into him, the wet sound of Dean's fist jerking his cock pushing Cas even closer to release.

Castiel's hips pistoned hard and Dean sank back for every push, and the tight, wet heat was too much as he locked up, coming inside of Dean with a gravel-laced roar of satisfaction. Castiel hooked his chin over Dean's shoulders, body shaking like a leaf against the hot line of his back. He saw Dean orgasm before he heard him, thick white release spurting from the head of his gorgeous cock followed by a thready, drawn-out groan.

Dean collapsed, boneless against the sheets, Cas' cock dragging out of him with a wet pop. Castiel blanketed him, sweaty skin and wet dick be damned, and relished in the hot mess that they made of themselves.

"Damn," Dean groaned, voice fucked out and sated, "I'm gonna feel that tomorrow."

Castiel chuckled into Dean's shoulder, peppering the damp flesh with tender kisses. "Me too," Cas said with a purposeful press of his trembling thighs to the back of Dean’s. "We should shower."

Dean grunted in assent, "I say that when we buy our house, we get a jacuzzi tub. That way, when we fuck each other senseless, we don't have to stand much to clean off."

"Sounds like a plan," Castiel agreed, with another kiss to Dean's addictive freckles, before getting up and dragging his husband out of bed to the bathroom.

* * *

Castiel pondered change as they soaped each other tenderly under the hot spray of water. Sometimes sad, sometimes new and scary and exciting. Castiel slid his slick hands around Dean's waist and kissed him sweetly in the apple-scented steam, vowing not to let his grief keep him from having this; to not push Dean away again.

Changes were coming, Cas thought again as they dried off, as he pulled the comforter off of the bed and slid between the cool sheets, wrapping his arms around his husband. But with Dean by his side, they would handle them all like they should; together.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! I hope you enjoyed this installment! There are some big changes, new characters, and new locations coming up soon for our boys. I hope those who have been with this verse will continue to follow as I close out Loved You Forever and begin Loved You For Always. This new chapter in their lives deserves a fresh series, I thought, and I hope to see you there when it premieres in January.
> 
> Thanks for all of the support <3


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